The rebellion of the unchecked box: Why my to do list went rogue (and I didn’t)

photo credit: Brigitte Tohm

The sun peeked through my blinds this morning, painting stripes across the floor – a gentle start to what my brain had meticulously planned as a day of relentless productivity. My to do list, a scroll worthy of an ancient scribe, lay beside my bed, each item a tiny, demanding general waiting for my command. ‘Conquer laundry mountain,’ it declared. ‘Slay the inbox dragon,’ it roared. ‘Achieve peak adulting: Grocery run edition,’ it whispered with menacing efficiency.

I even felt a flicker of that familiar, slightly anxious energy – the engine of getting things done revving up. I swung my legs out of bed, ready to salute my list and march into the fray.

And then - I didn’t.

I stood there, the list a silent judge at my feet, and a wave of something unexpected washed over me. Not laziness, not defiance exactly, but a profound sense of - not today.

The laundry mountain could wait. The inbox dragon had probably already spawned a few more heads. And the peak of adulting? Well, the view from this valley of unbought groceries felt strangely appealing.

Instead of the militant march of checkmarks, I wandered into the kitchen and made a leisurely cup of coffee. I sat by the window, watching the birds flit between branches, the sunlight dappling the leaves. My mind, which had been so tightly wound around the demands of the day, began to unravel, like a forgotten ball of yarn.

The guilt? That familiar pang that usually accompanies any deviation from ‘should’? It was surprisingly absent.

And here’s why -

My to do list had become my tyrant: Somewhere along the line, my well intentioned list had morphed from a helpful guide into a rigid dictator. Each unchecked box felt like a personal failing, a tiny indictment of my worthiness. My days had become a frantic chase to appease this paper overlord, leaving little room for spontaneity, joy, or simply being.

My body and mind screamed for something else: The exhaustion had been building. The subtle headaches, the persistent feeling of being overwhelmed – these were signals I’d been diligently ignoring in my quest for productivity. My soul wasn’t craving conquered tasks - it was yearning for stillness, for a moment to breathe without the weight of obligation.

Life isn’t a checklist: The beauty of being alive lies in the unexpected detours, the moments of unplanned joy, the simple act of noticing the world around you. My to do list, in its linear, goal-oriented nature, was trying to flatten the rich tapestry of life into a series of transactions.

Permission to be human: I realized that giving myself permission to deviate from the plan wasn’t an act of rebellion against responsibility, but an act of kindness towards myself. It was acknowledging my human need for rest, for beauty, for simply existing without an agenda.

So, the laundry remains unfolded. The inbox still glares with unread emails. My fridge is a testament to my current lack of peak adulting. And you know what? The world hasn’t ended. In fact, I feel a lightness.

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll tackle the dragon. Maybe I won’t. The point is, for today, I chose a different path, one guided by my inner compass rather than a list of demands. And in that choice, I found a quiet kind of freedom, a reminder that being human isn’t about checking boxes, but about living, breathing, and sometimes, just letting the day unfold as it may.