Why it’s harder to accept who you are right now than to step outside your comfort zone
credit: Ani Kolleshi
It’s often harder to accept ourselves where we are right now than to focus on stepping outside our comfort zone due to a complex interplay of psychological, social, and cultural factors.
“Grass is greener” phenomenon and the pursuit of an ideal self
Future focus: Stepping outside our comfort zone is often framed as a path towards a better, future version of ourselves. This future-oriented mindset can be more appealing than confronting and accepting our current perceived shortcomings.
Idealized self: Society and media often present idealized versions of success, happiness, and achievement, leading us to believe we need to become someone else to be worthy or content. Accepting our present selves, with perceived flaws, can feel like settling for less than this ideal.
Discomfort with vulnerability and imperfection
Exposure of weakness: Accepting ourselves fully often involves acknowledging our vulnerabilities, imperfections, and past mistakes. This can feel emotionally risky and uncomfortable.
Fear of judgment: We may fear that if we truly accept ourselves as we are, others will judge us negatively. Stepping outside our comfort zone can feel like a proactive way to avoid that judgment by striving for improvement.
Illusion of control
Action bias: There's often a bias towards action. Doing something, like pushing our boundaries, can feel more productive and like we’re taking control of our lives, even if the underlying issue is a lack of self-acceptance.
Distraction from inner work: Focusing on external achievements and stepping outside our comfort zone can sometimes serve as a distraction from the more challenging inner work of self-acceptance.
Societal emphasis on growth and achievement
Constant improvement narrative: Modern society often values constant progress and achievement. Staying still and accepting ourselves can be misconstrued as complacency or a lack of ambition.
Comfort zone as negative: The comfort zone is often portrayed negatively, as a place of stagnation. This can make staying within it, even for self-acceptance, feel undesirable.
Difficulty in separating self-acceptance from complacency
Misconception of stagnation: Some people mistakenly believe that accepting themselves means giving up on growth or improvement. They may feel that self-criticism and striving are necessary motivators.
Fear of letting go: There can be a fear that if we accept ourselves, we’ll become lazy or lose the drive to improve.
Pain of confronting the present
Unresolved issues: Our current state may be tied to past hurts, traumas, or unresolved issues that are painful to confront. Focusing on future growth can feel like a way to bypass this pain.
Disappointment with reality: Our current reality might not align with our expectations or desires, making acceptance difficult.
Stepping outside our comfort zone often provides a tangible, external focus for our energy, while self-acceptance requires a deeper, more internal and potentially uncomfortable confrontation with who we are right now. It demands vulnerability, self-compassion, and a willingness to let go of idealized versions of ourselves. While both are important for a fulfilling life, the immediate promise of future improvement can sometimes feel more appealing than the often-challenging work of present-moment self-acceptance.
Sources
positivepsychology.com, yogadownload.com, yogaworks.com, va.gov, onepeloton.com, clevelandclinic.com, therapistsaid.com, heart.org, elifesciences.org, sleepfoundation.org, lakewoodschiropatric.com, cedars-sinai.org, bphope.com
